The Telos of Fight Club

Today is the movie Fight Club‘s 25th anniversary. Fight Club is a movies that I never get tired of watching. It’s perspective on masculinity, consumerism, and purpose in life challenges me think more deeply. There are many things about this film that I could write about (and probably will in the future), but today I will consider what this movie shows about telos.

Telos is a Greek word meaning “goal, end, or purpose.” According to James K. A. Smith in the book “You are What You Love”, “Our telos is what we want, what we long for, what we crave. It is less an ideal that we have ideas about and more a vision of ‘the good life’ that we desire. It is a picture of flourishing that we imagine in a visceral, often-unarticulated way—a vague yet attractive sense of where we think true happiness is found.”

All of us have a vision of “the good life” that determines what we do and how we do it. We have an idea of what would make life better for us, and we build our lives around that end (consciously or unconsciously). I turn now to consider the telos of the narrator and Tyler Durden. I am not endorsing either of their views, I am simply using them as examples.

The Narrator’s Telos

After his condo blew up and all of his possessions were destroyed, the narrator (Ed Norton) and Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) went to a bar for drinks. He laments to Tyler, “When you buy furniture you tell yourself, ‘That’s it. That’s the last sofa I’m gonna need. Whatever else happens, I have that sofa problem handled.’ I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent. A wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.

The narrator felt like something was missing in his life. He had lost faith in God. When his parents divorced he lost faith in family. After the bloodshed of the 20th century he also lost faith in people. He had no meaningful relationships. He suffered from insomnia, likely from the existential angst he felt. He only found relief by attending support groups for people with terminal illnesses. While he was there, he used a fake name. He existence was basically anonymous. The only way to make the feeling of emptiness go away was to buy the right things. How did he pay for those things? He worked many hours at a morally ambiguous company. His life was an endless cycle of working and buying.

His telos was having the right possessions, and that dictated how he spent his time. He thought he could work enough to then buy his way into contentment, but it still left him empty. The things he owned, ended up owning him.

Tyler Durden’s Telos

Tyler Durden’s vision of the good life is quite different. He says, “In the world I see – you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You’ll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You’ll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you’ll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway.”

Tyler was “enlightened.” He sensed the meaninglessness and directionlessness of modern society. He saw that society was smothering people’s’ souls. In hunter/gatherer societies, there was a clear challenge of obtaining enough food to survive. Modern man (generally speaking) doesn’t have that problem. Affluence left people feeling empty. What was his solution? Tear it all down.

He began by starting fight club, a place where men can unleash their suppressed aggression. From there he recruited members to join project mayhem. Project mayhem was a terrorist organization that committed many acts of violence and vandalism. All of this culminated in a plan to blow up credit card buildings to erase the debt record so everything would reset to zero.

Tyler wanted chaos. He thought that by tearing down society, individuals would be free. “It is only after we’ve lost everything that we are free to do anything.” For Tyler, society was so bad that going back to a time before modern technology was the only answer. He worked tirelessly to bring about the world’s destruction.

What is Your Telos?

What about you? What is your vision of the good life? What do you believe will make everything better? For some it is being respected, for others it is being loved. Maybe yours is having a great career and status, or looking a certain way, or being at ease. If you are struggling to discern you telos, start by examine your emotions, how you spend your time, and how you spend your money.

According to the Westminster Shorter catechism, “The chief end of man is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” The telos for which God created us was to be in union with him. We were made to know, love, trust, and obey God. Jesus said that the greatest command is to love God and to love your neighbor. Jesus made a way for us to be in union with God by dying on the cross for our sins. Because of the sin that lives in us and the complexity of our world, we will always have mixed desires. A good first step is to name what you want and why. To do so, finish these three sentences: “I want to live in a world where . . .” “so that . . .” “Therefore, I will . . .” This article goes into more depth.

Why The Good Place’s Good Place Isn’t That Good

I really like The Good Place. It is smart, funny, and poses interesting questions about morality and the human condition. The premise of the show is that Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell) dies and goes to “the Good Place.” However, she soon finds out that someone made a mistake and she doesn’t belong. She then tries to learn how to be a good person by learning moral philosophy from her soulmate, Chidi (William Jackson Harper). Will she ever be good enough to earn her place in the good place? Are things really what they appear to be? I will skip most of the plot points and focus on the final two episodes. There will be spoilers ahead if you have yet to see this series.

The Problem with the Good Place

When our heroes finally get to the real good place, we see that things aren’t quite what they expected. They quickly learn that because any desire can be met at any moment, they turn into “happiness zombies” who are numb to everything. For example, one man said, “Can I get coke?” (receives it instantly). “No, a water. No, a lamp. No, a cat. No, a spaceship. No, one huge Junior Mint. No, a coke.” Being able to get anything you want whenever you want doesn’t lead to satisfaction. Hypatia of Alexandria (Lisa Kudrow) added, “On paper, this is paradise. All your desires and needs are met. But it is infinite. And when perfection goes on forever, you become this glassy-eyed mush person.”

Another example is from Jason (Manny Jacinto). His ultimate dream was to race monkeys in go-karts, but that got boring quickly. Jason reported, “I mean, monkeys and go-karts was fun for a while. Then I was like, ‘Oh, you know what’d be cool? Hippos and go-karts.’ And I was like, ‘Yo, what about Draculas with jet packs?’ I did, like, fifty combos, and then I just kinda wanted to hang out with you guys again.”

Hypatia responded, “That’s it in a nutshell. ‘Cause you get here and you realize that anything’s possible, so you do everything, and then you’re done. But you still have infinity left. This place kills fun and passion and excitement and love, ’till all you have left are milkshakes.”

The Solution

The apparent problem of the good place is that it goes on for eternity. ” They argue that what makes a vacation special is that it eventually ends. Similarly, they “fix” the afterlife by giving everyone the opportunity to end their existence. They can walk through a magical door and their soul will no longer exist as a single entity, but will be scattered throughout the universe (similar to the Buddhist idea of Nirvana). The only way to make the good place tolerable is to have the option to commit soul suicide.

My Thoughts

The problem with the good place is not that it goes on for eternity, but that there is no God. This show correctly demonstrates that any eternity without a God who can completely satisfy our souls is hell. Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us that God placed eternity in our hearts. We were created for God. Even if you removed all of the bad things from your life (or afterlife) and had access to any pleasure at any time, you still wouldn’t be satisfied.

But the bible describes a God who is all-satisfying. Jesus said, “Whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again. In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up in him for eternal life” (John 4:14). Christians get a taste of this on earth, but it will be fully realized in the new heavens and new earth. “Look, God’s dwelling is with humanity, and he will live with them. They will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:3-4).

Jesus offers the life that will never die. Because God is unimaginably great and beautiful, we never have to fear being bored in heaven. There will be a sense of peace, joy, and contentment that we always longed for but could never quite grasp on earth. Our souls will finally be home.

Words from a Wooden Beam

The four gospels record seven phrases that Jesus said from the cross. Crucifixion leads to death by suffocation, so any word spoken by Jesus must have been delivered with great difficulty. Given how hard it would have been to speak, Jesus was likely very intentional about the words he chose. We would be wise to pay attention to these words. I will list the phrases Jesus said and share why they are significant for us today.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

Jesus commanded his followers to love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them (Matthew 5:44). Jesus practiced what he preached. We see the incredible love of Christ in that he is more concerned for the souls of those torturing him than he is about nails going through his hands and feet. Jesus isn’t crying out for justice against or salvation from his adversaries, instead he asks that they would be forgiven.

Key Point: Jesus’ love and forgiveness are greater than we can imagine. Christ died to save sinners, including those who committed the sin of nailing an innocent man to a cross. Your sin is not too big for Jesus to forgive.

“Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:43)

As Jesus was hanging from the cross, the crowd, soldiers, and the other criminals began to mock him. One criminal insulted him by saying, “If you are the Messiah, save yourself and us!” But the other criminal recognized that Jesus was innocent while he was receiving a just punishment for his wicked actions. He told Jesus, “Remember me when you come into your kingdom” (Luke 23:42).

The men who were crucified alongside Jesus were likely revolutionaries and murderers. Jesus declared that this murderer is welcomed into heaven, not because of anything he did, but because his heart was repentant and there was a genuine love for Jesus in that moment.

Key Point: There is life after death, and as long as someone is living there is hope of turning to Jesus. No one is too far gone.

“Woman, here is your son. Here is your mother.” (John 19:26-27)

Jesus looked down from the cross to see his mother and the disciple whom he loved (John). I can only imagine the look of sorrow Mary must have had on her face. Having to see her beloved son beaten, tortured, and now bloody and bruised struggling for every last breath. Then you make eye contact and hear him speak, “Here is your son.” And to John he said, “Here is your mother.” Jesus wanted his mom to know that she would be taken care of and that she wouldn’t be alone. He tasked John with supporting his widowed mother and told Mary to love and care for John as she once did for him.

Key Point: The Christian family is deeper than blood. People receive a new identity when they come to Jesus. Our spiritual DNA is forever altered, connecting us to believers from all over the world. To be a spiritual parent, spiritual child, or spiritual sibling carries with similar joys and challenges as physical relationships.

“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” (Luke 23:46)

In this verse Jesus quoted Psalm 31:5. If you read the rest of the Psalm, you will see David declaring that God is his refuge and shelter and asking God to deliver him from his enemies. David cried out:

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;
    my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
    my soul and body with grief.
My life is consumed by anguish
    and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
    and my bones grow weak.
Because of all my enemies,
    I am the utter contempt of my neighbors
and an object of dread to my closest friends—
    those who see me on the street flee from me.
 I am forgotten as though I were dead;
    I have become like broken pottery.
 For I hear many whispering,
    “Terror on every side!”
They conspire against me
    and plot to take my life.

But I trust in you, Lord;
    I say, “You are my God.”

I imagine Jesus resonated deeply with these words. Perhaps he would have said them out loud if he had strength to do so.

Key Point: Jesus turned to God in prayer when he was at his lowest, we should do the same.

“My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34 & Matthew 27:46)

Jesus quoted the opening line of Psalm 22. The rest of the psalm describes a man surrounded by enemies (v .12), mocked about God saving him (vv. 7-8), having a dry mouth (v. 15), having pierced hands and feet (v. 16), and people casting lots for his clothes (v. 18). Jesus experienced all of these things too, so it makes sense that he would cry out this psalm.

This verse is also significant from a theological perspective. The price of sin is separation from God. Although Jesus never sinned, he paid the price of our sin and felt the rejection and disapproval of the Father. For this reason, when we believe in Christ, there is no chance of God rejecting us.

Tim Keller wrote, “There is no greater inner agony than the loss of a love relationship. We cannot imagine, however, what it would be like to lose not just a human relationship that has lasted for some years but the infinite love of the Father that Jesus had known from all eternity. The separation would have been unbearable.” 1

Key Point: Jesus was forsaken by the Father so that we could be accepted by the Father. Because Jesus was forsaken, we can receive this promise, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).

“I am thirsty.” (John 19:28)

On the surface this looks pretty straightforward. Jesus is in agony with the hot sun beating down on him. It would make sense that he would feel thirsty.

However, Jesus also taught that those who come to him in faith would never be thirsty, but would experience water springing up for eternal life (John 4:14, 6:35, 7:37-38). Jesus was cut off from the streams of eternal life. His thirst was both physical and spiritual.

Key Point: Jesus experienced spiritual thirst so that thirsty sinners might believe, receive forgiveness, and find satisfaction in him.

“It is finished.” (John 19:30)

There are perhaps no sweeter words in the bible. Jesus completed everything his Father called him to do. He lived a perfect life, fulfilling the law. He trained a leadership team to take his place. He healed the sick, cast out demons, and raised the dead. He suffered and wept, and now realizing that he had accomplished God’s purpose for his life, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

By dying on the cross, Jesus absorbed all the wrath of God that we deserve. He drank every drop from that terrible cup. For those who have come to Jesus in faith, there is no wrath left for us.

Key Point: Jesus finished the work of making sinners right with God. Jesus paid it all, there is nothing we can contribute to pay off our debt. Sure, we all still have work to do, but the main battle has already been won. It is finished!

  1. Keller, Timothy. 2015. Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering p.120 ↩︎

Chariots of Fire: Why Do You Run?

Last week I discussed how people are either driven by love or fear. According to John Lennon, “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love.” Today, I wanted to show how these motives are lived out. I will examine Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell from the movie Chariots of Fire.

Harold Abrahams

There are three conversations that shows the heart and mindset of Harold Abrahams. The first comes while he is at dinner with Sybil Gordon:

Sybil Gordon: Do you love running?

Harold M. Abrahams: I’m more of an addict. It’s a compulsion, a weapon.

Sybil Gordon: Against what?

Harold M. Abrahams: Being Jewish, I suppose.

Sybil Gordon: [laughs incredulously]  You’re not serious!

Harold M. Abrahams: You’re not Jewish, or you wouldn’t have had to ask.

Harold was always an outsider because he was a Jew in a Protestant world. No matter what he did he never quite fit in and was never fully accepted. If he couldn’t be accepted just for being himself, he had to earn his place in society by being the best runner.

The next scene shows Harold after he lost a race to Eric Liddell. A distraught Abrahams was lamenting to Sybil, to which she said:

Sybil Gordon: If you can’t take a beating, perhaps it’s for the best.

Harold M. Abrahams: I don’t run to take beatings. I run to win. If I can’t win, I won’t run!

Sybil Gordon: If you don’t run, you can’t win.

Being the best was his sole motivation. He had no joy in competing, only in winning. Coming in second was almost enough for him to give up running altogether.

In the final scene, Abrahams is getting ready to run in the 100 meter dash final at the Olympics. He is speaking to his best friend (Aubrey), sharing his fears and doubts about the race.

Harold M. Abrahams: You, Aubrey, are my most complete man. You’re brave, compassionate, kind: a content man. That is your secret – contentment; I am 24 and I’ve never known it. I’m forever in pursuit, and I don’t even know what I am chasing . . . And now, in one hour’s time, I will be out there again. I will raise my eyes and look down that corridor – 4 feet wide, with 10 lonely seconds to justify my whole existence. But will I? Aubrey, I’ve known the fear of losing – but now I am almost too frightened to win.

Never feeling contentment, constantly striving, feeling that his entire worth depends on winning this race. It is heartbreaking to hear Harold share the burden he feels. If you are reading this, you likely aren’t preparing to win an Olympic gold medal. But are there other ways that you are trying to justify your existence? Is it through a relationship? a job? an accomplishment?

Eric Liddell

Eric Liddell also represented Britain in the Olympic Games. The challenges that he faced seem to be more external than internal. The first opposition to his running came from his sister. She believed that running track was a waste of time and that Eric should go back to China to serve as a missionary. He tells his sister:

Eric Liddell: I believe that God made me for a purpose, for China. But he also made me fast. And when I run I feel his pleasure. To give it up would be to hold him in contempt.

Eric was secure in who God made him to be. For Harold Abrahams, running was a weapon, a means of earning acceptance from a society who saw him as an outsider. For Eric Liddell, running was a form of worship. He knew that he was loved and accepted by God, so he didn’t have to run to justify his existence. “When I run I feel his pleasure.” He felt freedom to use the gifts that God gave him to the best of his abilities.

Eric was so secure in his identity in Christ that he refused to run a race on the Sabbath. He had a strong conviction to keep the Lord’s day holy, and for him that meant that he would give up a chance at winning an Olympic gold medal in order to follow God. In doing so, he upset a lot of people and was accused of not loving his country. Because he knew that he was loved and accepted by God, he didn’t need the approval of people.

Love or Fear?

When you consider your life, do you feel more like Harold Abrahams or Eric Liddell? Do you work hard in order to earn love or do you work hard because you are loved?

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free” (Galatians 5:1). When I see Harold Abrahams I don’t see a man who is free. I see a man who is scared, burdened, and angry. When I see Eric Liddell, I see passion, courage, peace, and joy. He knows who he is and what his purpose is.

God offers you this same freedom. Jesus died on the cross for all the wrong things you have done, thought, or said. If you have faith in Jesus you can be accepted into God’s family forever. You can’t earn this love and acceptance, rather Jesus earned it on your behalf. In Christ, we can live, work, and love freely and lightly.

Pastor Tim Keller wrote, “If our identity is in our work, rather than in Christ, success will go to our heads, and failure will go to our hearts.” If we are defined by what we do, we will boast when things go well and wallow in self-hatred or live in denial when things go poorly. We were made for more.

Love or Fear

I came across a quote by John Lennon that said, “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love.” I don’t fully agree with his conclusion, but I still think that this observation is profound. Consider, why do people work hard at their job? Some work hard because they love what they do and are loving others by what they create. Others work hard out of fear of failure, fear of disappointing their boss, or out of fear of not having enough.

I think it is useful to simplify what we do in life into two motivations. A reflection question I’ve been asking myself is, “Is love driving me right now or is fear?” If I can’t honestly say “love,” then I know I need to adjust my course. To move from fear to love takes courage. Courage is not fearlessness, rather it is taking loving action even when you feel afraid.

Lennon’s quote seems in line with the bible. First John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” This verse suggests that love and fear are incompatible, but what does John mean what he says fear? “Fear has to do with punishment . . .” The fear that John is talking about is fear of standing before God’s judgement. He says in v. 17 that if we live in love as Jesus did, we will have confidence in the day of judgement. When we do good for others out of fear that God will punish us, we make our good deeds about ourselves and not the other person.

My critique of Lennon’s quote is that there are things in life such as hunger, thirst, or sexual lust don’t fit into the love/fear binary. I don’t think the root of hunger has to be a love for living or a fear of starving. Hunger can just be hunger. Also, I don’t think fear and love are always mutually exclusive, but first let me define my terms.

Love, Fear, Desire

Fear is an emotional and physical response to perceived danger or threat (real or imagined). Everybody feels fear, the question is, will fear keep you from living the life God has for you?

I define love as desiring the good of another. Love is often accompanied by feelings of joy and delight, but also opens the door to heartbreak. We can choose love even when we don’t feel like it.

We feel desire whenever we want or feel like we are lacking. It is the force that drives us to act. We can think of desire as the drive to meet your internal wants and needs. Desire is neither inherently good nor bad. Factors such as the magnitude of the desire, the object of the desire, and the means by which you fulfill the desire will determine whether it is right or wrong. We also have competing desires within us. For example, the desire to get fit and the desire to stay on the couch.

In his book You Are What You Love, James Smith explains how desire (eros) with love (agape) are connected yet distinct. “In its truest sense, eros signals a desire and attraction that is a good feature of our creaturehood. Instead of setting up a false dichotomy between agape and eros, we could think of agape as rightly ordered eros: the love of Christ this is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit is a redeemed, rightly ordered desire for God. You are what you desire.” Aligning our desires to God’s will is the lifelong work of following Jesus.

There may be some situations in which love, fear, and desire are all present. A man might be attracted to a woman (desire). Maybe he also realizes that being with him will help her to flourish and become more who God created her to be (love). But, at the same time, he his terrified that she will reject him (fear). Below is a graphic that shows how love, fear, and desire can overlap.

Imagine a hungry hunter who is stalking a bear. He is motived by his desire to kill the bear and harvest it’s meat for food, but he should also be keenly aware that the bear could easily maul him to death (fear). His best course of action will be to proceed with caution. Now imagine that the same hunter has his ten year old son with him. When they come across the bear the father will put himself between his son and the bear to protect him. After he kills the bear, they have a feast and rejoice together in the spoils of their labor. Out of love for his family and his desire to eat, the hunter faced his fear.

I think everyone should work to answer: “What do I want? Who do I love? and What am I afraid of?” We so often go through life without seriously considering why we do what we do. Examining which motivations drive us is a great starting place to living a meaningful and intentional life.

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

John Lennon

How to Change the World

My theory is that the best way to change the world is to live your life as if your own sin is the biggest problem in the world. I want to examine wisdom from different times, cultures, and faith traditions that are all getting at this same point.

One caveat before we dive in: I wouldn’t apply this teaching to someone who has just experienced trauma. There are times when the sin and brokenness of the world comes knocking at your door, and you first need time to grieve and find healing. Jesus said he wouldn’t break a bruised reed (Isaiah 42:3). Please receive this as a general principle that will be applicable to most but not every situation.

“Man in the Mirror”- Michael Jackson, 1988

In his 1988 hit song, Michael Jackson sings, “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.” There are so many needs and so much brokenness in the world. It can be discouraging to feel like the world is run by corrupt governments and greedy corporations. What can one person do in the face of that much opposition?

Start with yourself, the man in the mirror. Start with what you can control. Maybe you can’t solve your cities homelessness crisis. But maybe you can show kindness and dignity to one homeless person on your way home from work.

“Be the Change”

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) is one of the most influential voices on non-violent resistance in history. He was influential both in fighting for civil rights in South Africa and in gaining Indian independence. He famously said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Do you want to see less poverty in the world? Give to the poor.

Do you want to see less racism in the world? Befriend people who don’t look like you.

Are you tired of corrupt politicians? Run for office.

We all have to ask ourselves, “What do I want? and What am I willing to sacrifice to get it?”

“I am.”

There is a popular story where a newspaper sent out an inquiry to famous authors, asking the question, “What’s wrong with the world today?” To which G.K. Chesterton responded,

“Dear Sir,

I am.

Yours, G.K. Chesterton.”

Living in the early 20th century you might expect him to say something along the lines of war, poverty, drunkenness, factory conditions, or the poor education of the masses. But I think Chesterton is both humble enough and wise enough to first look at his internal problems rather than the external problems. I think this is where activists can go wrong. They perhaps rightly point out the wrongs and injustices that exist in the world, but can turn prideful and self-righteous if they don’t also take serious where they fall short.

In the book How People Change, Paul Tripp says, “Whenever you believe that the evil outside you is greater than the evil inside you, a heartfelt pursuit of Christ will be replaced by a zealous fighting of the ‘evil’ around you. A celebration of the grace that rescues you from your own sin will be replaced by a crusade to rescue the church from the ills of the surrounding culture.” We can end being overly critical of others when we forget that we are sinners saved by grace alone.

The Plank and the Speck

Lastly, we’ll consider Jesus’ words from the sermon on the mount:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brothers eye” (Matthew 7:1-5).

A few things stand out: First, God will judge us by the same standards we judge others. This should cause all of us to pause and consider how we think about others.

Second, we are to take the plank out of our own eye first. Jesus doesn’t say that is all that we do. He still calls us to remove the speck from our brother’s eye, but only after we have removed the plank from our own eye. But what does that mean?

I think the plank is our own sin and the speck is the sins of others. Our sin should be so in our face (no pun intended) that we can’t avoid it. So often we get this illustration backwards. We think we are the ones with the speck in our eye while everyone else has the big plank. We say things like, “I would never do that . . .” “Can you believe what she said?” “At least I’m not as bad as . . .”

Deal with your own stuff first, then you can clearly see what others are going through with a sense of love and compassion. Nobody likes having sawdust in their eye. It is unloving to let someone continue in a destructive behavior, but when we fail to approach them with humility and gentleness we often do more harm than good. How might this play out in the real world?

A Hypothetical Example

Let’s say you are in a meeting and a coworker blatantly disrespects you. What do you do? Do you lash out in the moment? Gossip about what happened? Bury your anger and pretend it wasn’t a big deal? Passive-aggressively hint that something is bothering you for the next year or so? Get the incident on film and post it to social media so that he might be shamed or even cancelled? Or do you take the plank out of your eye by self-reflecting?

Maybe you start with noticing your anger. Anger itself isn’t sinful, but it points to what is important to us. Then you might consider what exactly triggered that response. Did you feel threatened or embarrassed? Did it remind you of an incident or relationship from your past?

As you go down this path you might discover that you actually have an anger problem and are hyper-critical of those around you. Or maybe you take yourself too seriously because deep down you believe that your worth as a person comes from what you do and how others think about you.

After doing this work, you can look at the situation clearly to address your coworker. You could say something like, “When you said what you said in the meeting it made me feel ________. I’m sure that wasn’t what you intended, but I would appreciate if you would be more considerate in the future. I want our team to stay unified, and your comments created unhealthy friction.”

Doesn’t that seem more productive than anything listed in the first paragraph? Maybe the coworker realizes that he resorts to sarcasm when he is under stress as a self-protection mechanism. After noticing the problem he can take steps to fixing it.

Final Thoughts

From the King of Pop to the King of Kings, the message is consistent: start with yourself. Live as if your own sin is the greatest problem in the world. Only then will you be able to make a difference in the world. Imagine how marriages, friendships, families, and organizations might look different when individuals stop blaming others and circumstances and take ownership for the wrongs they do and the good that they leave undone.