How Sam-I-Am Can Transform Your Selling Skills

Posted on by Jole Miller

Within Green Eggs and Ham are lessons that any entrepreneur, salesman, or recruiter should take to heart. If you sell or promote a product, service, or opportunity, you would be wise to pay attention to Sam-I-Am.

Sam-I-Am created a product that was unlike anything the world had ever seen. He knew it had the potential to transform the breakfast game. He identified one man to be an early adopter, and hopefully a life-long customer. But the man was not interested and even hostile towards Sam-I-Am. Sam-I-Am then showed great perseverance and creativity to get the man to try his green eggs and ham.

What follows are four interrelated principles we learn from Sam-I-Am:

  1. Believe in Your Product
  2. Don’t Fear Rejection
  3. Be Willing to Innovate
  4. Love Your Customers

1. Believe in Your Product

I heard someone break “enthusiasm” into two parts; Enthus and IASM. Enthus comes from the Greek “to be inspired by God/possessed by a god.” Enthus is to be captivated by an idea, and IASM is an acronym for “I am sold myself.“

Do you believe in what you are selling? Are you sold yourself?

When I was a barista there were seasons when we tried to sell different promotional bags of coffee. We were supposed to tell every customer about the coffee we were selling. I struggled with this because I didn’t really believe in the product. I didn’t care whether they made our coffee at home or came to the coffee shop. It felt like an obligation when I asked people if they wanted to buy beans. I didn’t have much excitement or a sense of curiosity about what they were looking for in a product. I did the bear minimum to keep my manager happy. As a result, I didn’t sell much coffee.

“Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” We can’t help but talk about things that are important to us and that we really believe in.

Sam-I-Am is sold on green eggs and ham. He was confident that it would make people’s lives better. (I’m going to assume that this is all organic, free-range, with no added hormones or preservatives). We can tell he believes in his product by how he perseveres and remains optimistic in the face of rejection. Which brings us to the second point.

2. Don’t Fear Rejection

Green Eggs and Ham begins with a man asserting that he does not like Sam-I-Am. It is unclear why he has this negative bias. When Sam-I-Am offered green eggs and ham, the man refused. It is unclear if he refused because he disliked Sam-I-Am or because the product was so different.

He said “no” to green eggs and ham more than 70 times before agreeing to take a bite. Sam-I-Am was willing to face rejection because he believed in his product. He wasn’t afraid of being annoying (even though the man found him to be quite annoying).

How often do you get a “no” and never try again? Maybe someone didn’t respond to a text or answer a phone call and we assume that they don’t want anything to do with us or are annoyed by us. What if there is nothing wrong with us or the product? What if we just need to try a different way?

3. Be Willing to Innovate

When the man said he didn’t like green eggs and ham, Sam-I-Am didn’t take no for an answer. He was persistent and offered different situations in which the man could eat green eggs and ham:

  1. Here
  2. There
  3. In a house
  4. With a mouse
  5. In a box
  6. With a fox
  7. In a car
  8. In a tree
  9. On a train
  10. In the dark
  11. In the rain
  12. With a goat
  13. On a boat

Sam-I-Am was willing to change things up and find new ways to make his product appealing. He didn’t “shake the dust off his feet” and move on until he exhausted every reasonable option. He did the hard work of getting to know his customer and adapting to fit the individual.

How about you? What innovations do you need to make to communicate more effectively with your constituents?

4. Love Your Customers

Sam-I-Am loved the man enough to persevere. He believed that green eggs and ham would improve the man’s quality of life, so he creatively attempted to get the man to try them. Jesus said that there is no greater love than laying one’s life down for a friend (John 15:13). Sam-I-Am laid down his comfort, his time, and his respectability. He endured rejection and anger so that the man would have a great meal. (I am assuming that Sam-I-Am has good intentions with the man and isn’t trying to get him addicted to a product that will end killing him. I am also assuming that his primary concern is for the man, and not for the money the man may or may not give him).

If you have something that can improve people’s lives, it is loving to do whatever it takes to encourage them to try it. Whether you are a personal trainer, financial advisor, evangelist, or coach, if you believe in what you are offering and care about the quality of their lives, you will do what it takes to get a ‘yes’.

Do you love them enough to try a new approach?

Do you love them enough to hear “no” multiple times?

Are you sold yourself?

Wicked Theology

Posted on by Jole Miller

I recently saw Wicked in theaters and was impressed. The songs were great, the world was bright and colorful, and the cast had great chemistry. However, I struggle with movies that reimagine a classic villain as misunderstood rather than genuinely evil (Cruella and Maleficent gave me a similar feeling). I will not give a full movie review here. My focus will be on what this film says about the nature of God and morality.

Disclaimer: There are some spoilers in this review. I’d also encourage you to read Brett McCracken’s fuller review here. Brett is who I wish I could be as a writer 🙂

How Wicked Views God

In Wicked the Wizard of Oz is essentially their God. We hear phrases like “Oz bless you,” “Thank Oz!” or “What in the name of Oz!” Everyone puts their hope in the Wizard. They believe that he will deliver them from all their problems. However, Elphaba learns that the Wizard is a fraud. He has no power of his own, but uses smoke and mirrors to deceive the masses.

In the 1939 Wizard of Oz, the Wizard was portrayed as a snake-oil salesman type. He had no power but was generally well-intentioned. In Wicked, the Wizard is analogous to Hitler. He believed that people would only unite around a common enemy, so he used propaganda to turn humans against innocent talking animals.

The theology of Wicked is that God is a fraud. He has no power to save anyone, but uses rituals and deception to prop up the privileged class. He is only concerned with staying in power and maintaining order, even if it means hurting the innocent. A common critique against Christianity is that the Church is a man-made institution that only exists to prop up current power structures. Karl Marx called religion the “opiate of the masses.” Those skeptical of religion don’t see love, joy, peace, and beauty. They see shame, division, and various forms of exploitation.

The audience is left wondering, if the Wizard can’t save us, who can? The answer seems to be Elphaba.

What Makes the Witch Wicked?

Elphaba was dealt a bad hand in life. Her birth was the result of her mother’s adultery, giving her green skin. Her father hated her and children bullied her for how she looked. Despite this, she shows no moral flaws. She carries much guilt for her paraplegic sister and constantly advocates on her behalf. Her two flaws are that she struggles to control her powers and is socially awkward (which is explained by being an outcast all her life). At this end of the movie, Elphaba is clearly the hero. The Wizard is the real villain, along with the ambivalent majority who refuse to care about the oppression of animals.

At the end of Part 1 my main questions are, how/will Elphaba go bad? Will her compassion for the downtrodden slowly turn her bitter and resentful to the rest of the world? Or will she stay the same, showing everyone else to be the real villians? Also, how does her sister become the Wicked Witch of the East? In Wicked she is wheelchair-bound, shows no magical abilities, and has a crush on a boy from Munchkin Land. What will happen to make the munchkins throw a parade when a house falls on her? I’m eager to see how Part 2 will answer these questions!

What Happens when God is Dead?

Elphaba rightly advocates for the dignity of all people (including animals in that world). It is wrong to treat somebody as less than because of their skin color or physical abilities. Most people in the West would agree. One might call these truths self-evident. But why is it true?

The bible says it is because there is a God who made us in his own image. Genesis 1:27 is the basis for all human rights. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” This is why oppression, racism, and sexism is wrong. Without God, these things are relatively immoral, not absolutely immoral (meaning in a different time and place, what we think of as bad might actually be good). If there is no God, all morality ultimately comes down to the preferences of the times. So, if the Axis had won WWII we could be celebrating Hitler as a revolutionary hero, rather than the personification of evil. Wicked shows that God is a fraud, while simultaneously calling people to high moral standards. But these standards are not rooted in anything but intuition.

In the song “Defying Gravity” Elphaba sings, “I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game . . . I’m through accepting limits ’cause someone says they’re so. Some things I cannot change, but ’til I try, I’ll never know . . . And nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down.”

This song is a call to push past limits and to self-actualization. The message is essentially, “You are your own authority. You are free to be anything you want to be. Even the law of gravity can’t hold you back.” But everyone has limitations. We are limited by our knowledge, time, and strength. We all need to eat and sleep. It is wise to distinguish between limitations we need to accept for our own good, and arbitrary limitations we need to push beyond. G.K. Chesterton once said, “The more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it had established a rule and order, the chief aim of of that order was to give room for good things to run wild.” God gives rules and limits no to kill our joy, but to maximize it.

If God is a fraud, like Wicked suggests, then it would make sense to play by our own rules and follow our own moral intuition. But if God is real and he is good, wise, and powerful, if he loved the world so much that he gave his own and only son to die on the cross for our sins, then we are obligated to live our lives according to that reality. Is it possible the the God who created the universe can run it better than us?

My Favorite Christmas Passage

Posted on by Jole Miller

There are a lot of great passages that speak of our Savior’s miraculous birth and the joy and light that he brings. For example, “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel” (Isaiah 7:14). Or,

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6). Or these from the Gospel of Luke:

 “For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:11). “And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth” (Luke 1:14)

These verses are great, however, I rarely hear people talk about Philippians 2 at this time of year. Paul writes in his letter to the Philippians, “Adopt the same attitude of that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the form of humanity . . .” (Philippians 2:5-7).

Those who have been Christians for a while can become so familiar with the Christmas story that it no longer shocks them. Yet these verses should shock us.

Word Became Flesh

Jesus is God and he became a baby.

The immortal became mortal.

The all-knowing became totally ignorant.

The all-powerful became completely dependent.

The omnipresent occupied a single time and space.

The unchanging God had to grow up and undergo puberty.

The Word of God didn’t know how to talk.

The creator of the universe made tables and chairs.

Death

Not only did Jesus come to earth, he also suffered and died. Paul continues, “And when he had come as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death- even to death on a cross” (Philippians 2:7-8).

The King of Kings became obedient.

The source of love was hated.

The source of joy was grieved.

The source of peace faced conflict.

The Beloved Son was rejected by the Father and his people.

Eternal life was killed.

Glorification

The great news of Jesus is that death could not defeat him. Because he was obedient to the Father in all things, “God highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow . . . and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2:9-11). This is the way of Jesus.

A crown of thorns comes before the crown of heaven.

Suffering comes before glory.

Humility comes before exaltation.

Those who lose their lives gain it.

Jesus gave everything for the love of God and mankind. What would your life be like if you had that same mindset? What if you thought more about what you can give before what you could get? How would that impact your work? Your finances? How you spend your free time? Your relationships?

How can your mindset become 1% more Christ-like? What is one step you can take today?

The Telos of Fight Club

Posted on by Jole Miller

Today is the movie Fight Club‘s 25th anniversary. Fight Club is a movies that I never get tired of watching. It’s perspective on masculinity, consumerism, and purpose in life challenges me think more deeply. There are many things about this film that I could write about (and probably will in the future), but today I will consider what this movie shows about telos.

Telos is a Greek word meaning “goal, end, or purpose.” According to James K. A. Smith in the book “You are What You Love”, “Our telos is what we want, what we long for, what we crave. It is less an ideal that we have ideas about and more a vision of ‘the good life’ that we desire. It is a picture of flourishing that we imagine in a visceral, often-unarticulated way—a vague yet attractive sense of where we think true happiness is found.”

All of us have a vision of “the good life” that determines what we do and how we do it. We have an idea of what would make life better for us, and we build our lives around that end (consciously or unconsciously). I turn now to consider the telos of the narrator and Tyler Durden. I am not endorsing either of their views, I am simply using them as examples.

The Narrator’s Telos

After his condo blew up and all of his possessions were destroyed, the narrator (Ed Norton) and Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) went to a bar for drinks. He laments to Tyler, “When you buy furniture you tell yourself, ‘That’s it. That’s the last sofa I’m gonna need. Whatever else happens, I have that sofa problem handled.’ I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent. A wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.“

The narrator felt like something was missing in his life. He had lost faith in God. When his parents divorced he lost faith in family. After the bloodshed of the 20th century he also lost faith in people. He had no meaningful relationships. He suffered from insomnia, likely from the existential angst he felt. He only found relief by attending support groups for people with terminal illnesses. While he was there, he used a fake name. He existence was basically anonymous. The only way to make the feeling of emptiness go away was to buy the right things. How did he pay for those things? He worked many hours at a morally ambiguous company. His life was an endless cycle of working and buying.

His telos was having the right possessions, and that dictated how he spent his time. He thought he could work enough to then buy his way into contentment, but it still left him empty. The things he owned, ended up owning him.

Tyler Durden’s Telos

Tyler Durden’s vision of the good life is quite different. He says, “In the world I see – you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You’ll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You’ll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you’ll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway.”

Tyler was “enlightened.” He sensed the meaninglessness and directionlessness of modern society. He saw that society was smothering people’s’ souls. In hunter/gatherer societies, there was a clear challenge of obtaining enough food to survive. Modern man (generally speaking) doesn’t have that problem. Affluence left people feeling empty. What was his solution? Tear it all down.

He began by starting fight club, a place where men can unleash their suppressed aggression. From there he recruited members to join project mayhem. Project mayhem was a terrorist organization that committed many acts of violence and vandalism. All of this culminated in a plan to blow up credit card buildings to erase the debt record so everything would reset to zero.

Tyler wanted chaos. He thought that by tearing down society, individuals would be free. “It is only after we’ve lost everything that we are free to do anything.” For Tyler, society was so bad that going back to a time before modern technology was the only answer. He worked tirelessly to bring about the world’s destruction.

What is Your Telos?

What about you? What is your vision of the good life? What do you believe will make everything better? For some it is being respected, for others it is being loved. Maybe yours is having a great career and status, or looking a certain way, or being at ease. If you are struggling to discern you telos, start by examine your emotions, how you spend your time, and how you spend your money.

According to the Westminster Shorter catechism, “The chief end of man is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” The telos for which God created us was to be in union with him. We were made to know, love, trust, and obey God. Jesus said that the greatest command is to love God and to love your neighbor. Jesus made a way for us to be in union with God by dying on the cross for our sins. Because of the sin that lives in us and the complexity of our world, we will always have mixed desires. A good first step is to name what you want and why. To do so, finish these three sentences: “I want to live in a world where . . .” “so that . . .” “Therefore, I will . . .” This article goes into more depth.

Rethinking Your Narrative: Unlocking Potential

Posted on by Jole Miller

In his book Mind Your Mindset, Michael Hyatt’s main idea is that “[Many] challenges people face— in fact, nearly all of them— are essentially (1) based in the brain and (2) evident in the stories we tell ourselves about reality.”

The stories we tell ourselves inform how we see the world and act within it, including how we pursue our goals. Our narratives determine what goals we set and how successful we are in achieving them. Storytelling is a function of how our brains conceive and represent reality, and our results depend to a large degree on how good our storytelling is.

Hyatt argues that when our stories leave us in a rut, we need to rethink our thinking by adopting a different vantage point. We must examine the stories our brain is telling, and imagine better, more empowering narratives. To do this we must:

First, identify your problem and your story about it. Improvement begins with awareness. Many of the invisible scripts we live are holding us back, and we might not even know it. You might have unexamined stories about money, people of different backgrounds, or what your are capable of achieving. For example, a story someone might tell themselves is, “I can’t get out of debt because I am not good with money.” This will likely turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Second, interrogate the story. Many of the stories we tell ourselves are flawed. We need to separate what’s factual from what’s merely opinion, inference, conjecture, and the like. Take the phrase “I’m not good with money.” You can interrogate that by asking, “Why do you say that? Have you done any research? Read any books or articles? Asked any friends or mentors? Tried anything to improve? If you haven’t taken any steps, how can you say you are bad at money?” In this stage you have to challenge your assumptions to separate what is helpful and what is holding you back.

Third, imagine a more empowering story. Once we’ve exposed our faulty stories, we can use our brain’s natural ability to rewire itself to find new paths and solutions. Continuing with the money example, what if instead of “I’m not good with money” you said, “I have struggled with money in the past, but money is a skill I am committed to master.”

I think Henry Ford’s quote rings true, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” Obviously, this isn’t absolutely true. There are plenty of sports teams and businesses who believed that they would succeed but didn’t. However, the belief that they would succeed gave them a fighting chance.

Kairos Circle

Hyatt’s framework of Identify, Interrogate, and Imagine pairs nicely with Mike Breen’s Kairos Circle.

In the image above, the arrow represents time. You are going about your life when a significant moment occurs (the X). The moment could be an emotional response, a tragic event, a meaningful conversation, or reading something profound. When the significant moment arrives, we have a choice. We can ignore it and keep doing what we are doing, or we can enter the learning circle.

The first step is to observe. Gather the facts. What happened? What did you feel? This fits with identifying your current narrative.

The next step is to reflect. This is where you ask “why?” and “how” questions. When you reflect you go under the surface. The purpose is to move from a false narrative to one that is truer. However, we can’t do this alone, we must discuss. We need other people to speak truth, love, and wisdom. Everybody has blind spots, so having a trustworthy person to speak with is crucial. The purpose of observing, reflecting, and discussing is to ultimately move you from a false belief to a true one. The Greek word “repent” means to change one’s mind. We must turn from false mindset about God or the world and turn to what is true.

I will use a scene from the Kung-Fu Panda to illustrate.

Master Shifu tells Master Oogway that notorious kung-fu villian, Tai Lung, escaped from prison (kairos moment). Although it is the Dragon Warrior’s destiny to defeat him, Shifu doesn’t believe that Po the panda is really the Dragon Warrior because he was unlike anyone he ever trained. Po must have been chosen by accident. He tried to control the situation by forcing Po to quit. Oogway tells Shifu that there are no accidents, and that Shifu must give up the illusion of control in order to fulfill his destiny. This is the moment when Oogway gets Shifu to imagine a better story:

Shifu: A peach cannot defeat Tai Lung!

Oogway: Maybe it can. If you are willing to guide it. Nurture it. Believe in it.

Shifu moved from a false narrative to a better narrative and that changed everything. He realized that Po had potential, but he would need to train him differently in order to unlock it. Oogway helped Shifu identify his limiting belief, interrogate its validity, and imagine a better way.

What about you? What stories are you currently living? How are they holding you back from the life God has for you?

Why The Good Place’s Good Place Isn’t That Good

Posted on by Jole Miller

I really like The Good Place. It is smart, funny, and poses interesting questions about morality and the human condition. The premise of the show is that Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell) dies and goes to “the Good Place.” However, she soon finds out that someone made a mistake and she doesn’t belong. She then tries to learn how to be a good person by learning moral philosophy from her soulmate, Chidi (William Jackson Harper). Will she ever be good enough to earn her place in the good place? Are things really what they appear to be? I will skip most of the plot points and focus on the final two episodes. There will be spoilers ahead if you have yet to see this series.

The Problem with the Good Place

When our heroes finally get to the real good place, we see that things aren’t quite what they expected. They quickly learn that because any desire can be met at any moment, they turn into “happiness zombies” who are numb to everything. For example, one man said, “Can I get coke?” (receives it instantly). “No, a water. No, a lamp. No, a cat. No, a spaceship. No, one huge Junior Mint. No, a coke.” Being able to get anything you want whenever you want doesn’t lead to satisfaction. Hypatia of Alexandria (Lisa Kudrow) added, “On paper, this is paradise. All your desires and needs are met. But it is infinite. And when perfection goes on forever, you become this glassy-eyed mush person.”

Another example is from Jason (Manny Jacinto). His ultimate dream was to race monkeys in go-karts, but that got boring quickly. Jason reported, “I mean, monkeys and go-karts was fun for a while. Then I was like, ‘Oh, you know what’d be cool? Hippos and go-karts.’ And I was like, ‘Yo, what about Draculas with jet packs?’ I did, like, fifty combos, and then I just kinda wanted to hang out with you guys again.”

Hypatia responded, “That’s it in a nutshell. ‘Cause you get here and you realize that anything’s possible, so you do everything, and then you’re done. But you still have infinity left. This place kills fun and passion and excitement and love, ’till all you have left are milkshakes.”

The Solution

The apparent problem of the good place is that it goes on for eternity. ” They argue that what makes a vacation special is that it eventually ends. Similarly, they “fix” the afterlife by giving everyone the opportunity to end their existence. They can walk through a magical door and their soul will no longer exist as a single entity, but will be scattered throughout the universe (similar to the Buddhist idea of Nirvana). The only way to make the good place tolerable is to have the option to commit soul suicide.

My Thoughts

The problem with the good place is not that it goes on for eternity, but that there is no God. This show correctly demonstrates that any eternity without a God who can completely satisfy our souls is hell. Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us that God placed eternity in our hearts. We were created for God. Even if you removed all of the bad things from your life (or afterlife) and had access to any pleasure at any time, you still wouldn’t be satisfied.

But the bible describes a God who is all-satisfying. Jesus said, “Whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again. In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up in him for eternal life” (John 4:14). Christians get a taste of this on earth, but it will be fully realized in the new heavens and new earth. “Look, God’s dwelling is with humanity, and he will live with them. They will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:3-4).

Jesus offers the life that will never die. Because God is unimaginably great and beautiful, we never have to fear being bored in heaven. There will be a sense of peace, joy, and contentment that we always longed for but could never quite grasp on earth. Our souls will finally be home.

Words from a Wooden Beam

Posted on by Jole Miller

The four gospels record seven phrases that Jesus said from the cross. Crucifixion leads to death by suffocation, so any word spoken by Jesus must have been delivered with great difficulty. Given how hard it would have been to speak, Jesus was likely very intentional about the words he chose. We would be wise to pay attention to these words. I will list the phrases Jesus said and share why they are significant for us today.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

Jesus commanded his followers to love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them (Matthew 5:44). Jesus practiced what he preached. We see the incredible love of Christ in that he is more concerned for the souls of those torturing him than he is about nails going through his hands and feet. Jesus isn’t crying out for justice against or salvation from his adversaries, instead he asks that they would be forgiven.

Key Point: Jesus’ love and forgiveness are greater than we can imagine. Christ died to save sinners, including those who committed the sin of nailing an innocent man to a cross. Your sin is not too big for Jesus to forgive.

“Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:43)

As Jesus was hanging from the cross, the crowd, soldiers, and the other criminals began to mock him. One criminal insulted him by saying, “If you are the Messiah, save yourself and us!” But the other criminal recognized that Jesus was innocent while he was receiving a just punishment for his wicked actions. He told Jesus, “Remember me when you come into your kingdom” (Luke 23:42).

The men who were crucified alongside Jesus were likely revolutionaries and murderers. Jesus declared that this murderer is welcomed into heaven, not because of anything he did, but because his heart was repentant and there was a genuine love for Jesus in that moment.

Key Point: There is life after death, and as long as someone is living there is hope of turning to Jesus. No one is too far gone.

“Woman, here is your son. Here is your mother.” (John 19:26-27)

Jesus looked down from the cross to see his mother and the disciple whom he loved (John). I can only imagine the look of sorrow Mary must have had on her face. Having to see her beloved son beaten, tortured, and now bloody and bruised struggling for every last breath. Then you make eye contact and hear him speak, “Here is your son.” And to John he said, “Here is your mother.” Jesus wanted his mom to know that she would be taken care of and that she wouldn’t be alone. He tasked John with supporting his widowed mother and told Mary to love and care for John as she once did for him.

Key Point: The Christian family is deeper than blood. People receive a new identity when they come to Jesus. Our spiritual DNA is forever altered, connecting us to believers from all over the world. To be a spiritual parent, spiritual child, or spiritual sibling carries with similar joys and challenges as physical relationships.

“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” (Luke 23:46)

In this verse Jesus quoted Psalm 31:5. If you read the rest of the Psalm, you will see David declaring that God is his refuge and shelter and asking God to deliver him from his enemies. David cried out:

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;
    my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
    my soul and body with grief.
My life is consumed by anguish
    and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
    and my bones grow weak.
Because of all my enemies,
    I am the utter contempt of my neighbors
and an object of dread to my closest friends—
    those who see me on the street flee from me.
 I am forgotten as though I were dead;
    I have become like broken pottery.
 For I hear many whispering,
    “Terror on every side!”
They conspire against me
    and plot to take my life.

But I trust in you, Lord;
    I say, “You are my God.”

I imagine Jesus resonated deeply with these words. Perhaps he would have said them out loud if he had strength to do so.

Key Point: Jesus turned to God in prayer when he was at his lowest, we should do the same.

“My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34 & Matthew 27:46)

Jesus quoted the opening line of Psalm 22. The rest of the psalm describes a man surrounded by enemies (v .12), mocked about God saving him (vv. 7-8), having a dry mouth (v. 15), having pierced hands and feet (v. 16), and people casting lots for his clothes (v. 18). Jesus experienced all of these things too, so it makes sense that he would cry out this psalm.

This verse is also significant from a theological perspective. The price of sin is separation from God. Although Jesus never sinned, he paid the price of our sin and felt the rejection and disapproval of the Father. For this reason, when we believe in Christ, there is no chance of God rejecting us.

Tim Keller wrote, “There is no greater inner agony than the loss of a love relationship. We cannot imagine, however, what it would be like to lose not just a human relationship that has lasted for some years but the infinite love of the Father that Jesus had known from all eternity. The separation would have been unbearable.” 1

Key Point: Jesus was forsaken by the Father so that we could be accepted by the Father. Because Jesus was forsaken, we can receive this promise, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).

“I am thirsty.” (John 19:28)

On the surface this looks pretty straightforward. Jesus is in agony with the hot sun beating down on him. It would make sense that he would feel thirsty.

However, Jesus also taught that those who come to him in faith would never be thirsty, but would experience water springing up for eternal life (John 4:14, 6:35, 7:37-38). Jesus was cut off from the streams of eternal life. His thirst was both physical and spiritual.

Key Point: Jesus experienced spiritual thirst so that thirsty sinners might believe, receive forgiveness, and find satisfaction in him.

“It is finished.” (John 19:30)

There are perhaps no sweeter words in the bible. Jesus completed everything his Father called him to do. He lived a perfect life, fulfilling the law. He trained a leadership team to take his place. He healed the sick, cast out demons, and raised the dead. He suffered and wept, and now realizing that he had accomplished God’s purpose for his life, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

By dying on the cross, Jesus absorbed all the wrath of God that we deserve. He drank every drop from that terrible cup. For those who have come to Jesus in faith, there is no wrath left for us.

Key Point: Jesus finished the work of making sinners right with God. Jesus paid it all, there is nothing we can contribute to pay off our debt. Sure, we all still have work to do, but the main battle has already been won. It is finished!

  1. Keller, Timothy. 2015. Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering p.120 ↩︎

The Case Against “Should”

Posted on by Jole Miller

“Should” is a weird word. We all use it multiple times a day, yet I struggle to define it. According to dictionary.com, “should” is an auxiliary verb meaning “must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency).” It can also be used to express an expectation: “They should be here soon,” or express a correction: “That semicolon should be a comma.”

Outside of giving or asking for advice, I think “should” should be avoided. The way we use that word today is often not helpful, and different vocabulary would serve us better. Here are some problems with “should.” It is non-commital, not actionable, isn’t honest, and it produces a vague feeling of guilt. Let’s explore these more deeply.

It is Non-Commital

How often have acquaintances said, “We should hang out sometime,” and then never hang out? By saying “we should hang out” you get the feeling that you are a caring and friendly person without having to put in any effort to follow through. Imagine a man says to his date, “We should get married.” Ladies, would you consider that a satisfying proposal? I think not.

Instead of saying “should” you could say, “I want to hang out with you, is there a good time when we could get together?” This phrasing takes for granted that the other person would want to get together with you. If you are less sure of the relationship you could ask, “Do you want to hang out?” This is more vulnerable and allows for the possibility of being rejected, but it is more likely to result in hanging out with a friend.

It is not an Action Verb

I often hear people say, “I should do X more.” It could be praying, calling loved ones, going to the gym, etc. However, just because you know that something would be good for you doesn’t mean that you will do it.

What would happen if you substituted “should” with “I need to . . .” “I want to . . .” “I will . . .” or “I get to . . .”?

“Need” indicates necessity. If you aren’t doing what you say you need, is it really necessary to you? “Want” indicates desire. Why wouldn’t you do what you want? “Will” indicates a commitment to action. It is still possible for people to break their commitments, but making a verbal commitment makes it more likely that you will follow through. “Get to” reframes your thinking from an obligation to an opportunity. “I get to pray,” sounds more positive than “I should pray.”

It is not Honest

Often when people say things like, “I should go to the gym,” what they are really saying is, “I know going to the gym would be good for me, but I really don’t want to go.” There is an internal conflict between wanting to be more fit and staying cozy. We all have conflicting desires. There is a battle between the flesh and the Spirit, and between what I want now and what will be better for me in the future. By naming the lesser desire its power over you weakens.

Consider the phrase, “I should pray more.” What is the unspoken “but” at the end of the sentence? “I should pray more, but I don’t know how, I don’t have time, I don’t believe it will do anything for me, etc.” By naming the hesitation you can then make a plan to move forward.

It Produces a Vague Feeling of Guilt or Regret

One of the ways “should” is helpful is in learning from mistakes. For example, “I should have made a reservation instead of just showing up at the restaurant.” It can express regret in such a way that you can make a better decision in the future.

However, it is unhelpful when disconnected from a specific action. Phrases like, “I should be doing more,” “I should be farther along than I am,” or “I should be more like that person,” make us feel a vague sense of guilt and shame. I believe it is better to feel a specific feeling of guilt. For example, if you said, “I need to complete these three tasks this week,” and you didn’t do them, you can feel guilty specifically about not doing what you needed. This is more productive than a vague feeling of not doing enough.

A counselor named Chip Dodd calls “should” the language of toxic shame. He says S.H.A.M.E. stands for “Should Have Already Mastered Everything.” We become contemptuous of our shortcomings and our neediness. We can’t accept ourselves for who we are, so we declare what we should be instead.

Whenever you catch yourself saying, “I should . . .” ask yourself “Why?”. Why should you be stronger? Why should you look for a new job? Why should you be farther along? When we ask these questions we get to the heart of our desire. We see what is, what can be, and then decide a next step to get to where you want to go.

Remove “should” from your vocabulary and change your life.

Chariots of Fire: Why Do You Run?

Posted on by Jole Miller

Last week I discussed how people are either driven by love or fear. According to John Lennon, “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love.” Today, I wanted to show how these motives are lived out. I will examine Harold Abrahams and Eric Liddell from the movie Chariots of Fire.

Harold Abrahams

There are three conversations that shows the heart and mindset of Harold Abrahams. The first comes while he is at dinner with Sybil Gordon:

Sybil Gordon: Do you love running?

Harold M. Abrahams: I’m more of an addict. It’s a compulsion, a weapon.

Sybil Gordon: Against what?

Harold M. Abrahams: Being Jewish, I suppose.

Sybil Gordon: [laughs incredulously]  You’re not serious!

Harold M. Abrahams: You’re not Jewish, or you wouldn’t have had to ask.

Harold was always an outsider because he was a Jew in a Protestant world. No matter what he did he never quite fit in and was never fully accepted. If he couldn’t be accepted just for being himself, he had to earn his place in society by being the best runner.

The next scene shows Harold after he lost a race to Eric Liddell. A distraught Abrahams was lamenting to Sybil, to which she said:

Sybil Gordon: If you can’t take a beating, perhaps it’s for the best.

Harold M. Abrahams: I don’t run to take beatings. I run to win. If I can’t win, I won’t run!

Sybil Gordon: If you don’t run, you can’t win.

Being the best was his sole motivation. He had no joy in competing, only in winning. Coming in second was almost enough for him to give up running altogether.

In the final scene, Abrahams is getting ready to run in the 100 meter dash final at the Olympics. He is speaking to his best friend (Aubrey), sharing his fears and doubts about the race.

Harold M. Abrahams: You, Aubrey, are my most complete man. You’re brave, compassionate, kind: a content man. That is your secret – contentment; I am 24 and I’ve never known it. I’m forever in pursuit, and I don’t even know what I am chasing . . . And now, in one hour’s time, I will be out there again. I will raise my eyes and look down that corridor – 4 feet wide, with 10 lonely seconds to justify my whole existence. But will I? Aubrey, I’ve known the fear of losing – but now I am almost too frightened to win.

Never feeling contentment, constantly striving, feeling that his entire worth depends on winning this race. It is heartbreaking to hear Harold share the burden he feels. If you are reading this, you likely aren’t preparing to win an Olympic gold medal. But are there other ways that you are trying to justify your existence? Is it through a relationship? a job? an accomplishment?

Eric Liddell

Eric Liddell also represented Britain in the Olympic Games. The challenges that he faced seem to be more external than internal. The first opposition to his running came from his sister. She believed that running track was a waste of time and that Eric should go back to China to serve as a missionary. He tells his sister:

Eric Liddell: I believe that God made me for a purpose, for China. But he also made me fast. And when I run I feel his pleasure. To give it up would be to hold him in contempt.

Eric was secure in who God made him to be. For Harold Abrahams, running was a weapon, a means of earning acceptance from a society who saw him as an outsider. For Eric Liddell, running was a form of worship. He knew that he was loved and accepted by God, so he didn’t have to run to justify his existence. “When I run I feel his pleasure.” He felt freedom to use the gifts that God gave him to the best of his abilities.

Eric was so secure in his identity in Christ that he refused to run a race on the Sabbath. He had a strong conviction to keep the Lord’s day holy, and for him that meant that he would give up a chance at winning an Olympic gold medal in order to follow God. In doing so, he upset a lot of people and was accused of not loving his country. Because he knew that he was loved and accepted by God, he didn’t need the approval of people.

Love or Fear?

When you consider your life, do you feel more like Harold Abrahams or Eric Liddell? Do you work hard in order to earn love or do you work hard because you are loved?

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free” (Galatians 5:1). When I see Harold Abrahams I don’t see a man who is free. I see a man who is scared, burdened, and angry. When I see Eric Liddell, I see passion, courage, peace, and joy. He knows who he is and what his purpose is.

God offers you this same freedom. Jesus died on the cross for all the wrong things you have done, thought, or said. If you have faith in Jesus you can be accepted into God’s family forever. You can’t earn this love and acceptance, rather Jesus earned it on your behalf. In Christ, we can live, work, and love freely and lightly.

Pastor Tim Keller wrote, “If our identity is in our work, rather than in Christ, success will go to our heads, and failure will go to our hearts.” If we are defined by what we do, we will boast when things go well and wallow in self-hatred or live in denial when things go poorly. We were made for more.

Love or Fear

Posted on by Jole Miller

I came across a quote by John Lennon that said, “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love.” I don’t fully agree with his conclusion, but I still think that this observation is profound. Consider, why do people work hard at their job? Some work hard because they love what they do and are loving others by what they create. Others work hard out of fear of failure, fear of disappointing their boss, or out of fear of not having enough.

I think it is useful to simplify what we do in life into two motivations. A reflection question I’ve been asking myself is, “Is love driving me right now or is fear?” If I can’t honestly say “love,” then I know I need to adjust my course. To move from fear to love takes courage. Courage is not fearlessness, rather it is taking loving action even when you feel afraid.

Lennon’s quote seems in line with the bible. First John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” This verse suggests that love and fear are incompatible, but what does John mean what he says fear? “Fear has to do with punishment . . .” The fear that John is talking about is fear of standing before God’s judgement. He says in v. 17 that if we live in love as Jesus did, we will have confidence in the day of judgement. When we do good for others out of fear that God will punish us, we make our good deeds about ourselves and not the other person.

My critique of Lennon’s quote is that there are things in life such as hunger, thirst, or sexual lust don’t fit into the love/fear binary. I don’t think the root of hunger has to be a love for living or a fear of starving. Hunger can just be hunger. Also, I don’t think fear and love are always mutually exclusive, but first let me define my terms.

Love, Fear, Desire

Fear is an emotional and physical response to perceived danger or threat (real or imagined). Everybody feels fear, the question is, will fear keep you from living the life God has for you?

I define love as desiring the good of another. Love is often accompanied by feelings of joy and delight, but also opens the door to heartbreak. We can choose love even when we don’t feel like it.

We feel desire whenever we want or feel like we are lacking. It is the force that drives us to act. We can think of desire as the drive to meet your internal wants and needs. Desire is neither inherently good nor bad. Factors such as the magnitude of the desire, the object of the desire, and the means by which you fulfill the desire will determine whether it is right or wrong. We also have competing desires within us. For example, the desire to get fit and the desire to stay on the couch.

In his book You Are What You Love, James Smith explains how desire (eros) with love (agape) are connected yet distinct. “In its truest sense, eros signals a desire and attraction that is a good feature of our creaturehood. Instead of setting up a false dichotomy between agape and eros, we could think of agape as rightly ordered eros: the love of Christ this is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit is a redeemed, rightly ordered desire for God. You are what you desire.” Aligning our desires to God’s will is the lifelong work of following Jesus.

There may be some situations in which love, fear, and desire are all present. A man might be attracted to a woman (desire). Maybe he also realizes that being with him will help her to flourish and become more who God created her to be (love). But, at the same time, he his terrified that she will reject him (fear). Below is a graphic that shows how love, fear, and desire can overlap.

Imagine a hungry hunter who is stalking a bear. He is motived by his desire to kill the bear and harvest it’s meat for food, but he should also be keenly aware that the bear could easily maul him to death (fear). His best course of action will be to proceed with caution. Now imagine that the same hunter has his ten year old son with him. When they come across the bear the father will put himself between his son and the bear to protect him. After he kills the bear, they have a feast and rejoice together in the spoils of their labor. Out of love for his family and his desire to eat, the hunter faced his fear.

I think everyone should work to answer: “What do I want? Who do I love? and What am I afraid of?” We so often go through life without seriously considering why we do what we do. Examining which motivations drive us is a great starting place to living a meaningful and intentional life.

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

John Lennon