Here are the top 10 books I read in 2021 that most influenced how I think and live.

10. What Doesn’t Kill Us by Scott Carney

The basic premise of this book is that modern humans have become soft because of our reliance on technology. By being comfortable 24/7 our bodies and minds start to atrophy. Journalist Scott Carney set out to prove Wim Hof to be a false guru and a dangerous charlatan, but in the process became a pupil. Carney explores the “Wim Hof Method” (a mixture of breathing exercises and gradual cold exposure) and tests to see if the human body is capable of more than we ever thought possible. This book is very well written, weaving in both personal stories as well as scientific testing.

9. Atomic Habits by James Clear

Atomic Habits is an excellent resource for habit formation. The idea presented in the book is to consistently take small action steps, looking for 1% improvement, that over time leads to the compound interest of a changed life. He stresses that it is more useful to focus on systems rather than goals. For example, if you have a goal to read 20 books this year, the system might be reading one page of a book with my morning coffee each day. If you have a good system, the results will take care of themselves. “The quality of our lives often depends on the quality of our habits.” The framework that he goes into detail for habit formation is listed below:

8. Secular Creed by Rebecca McLaughlin

This book is a great resource for teaching Christians how to navigate culture. Rebecca McLaughlin addresses five secular claims: “Black Lives Matter”, “Love is Love”, “The Gay-Rights Movement is the New Civil-Rights Movement”, “Women’s Rights Are Human Rights”, and “Transgender Women Are Women”. This book is both well reasoned and compassionate. It does not read as an “us vs. them” apologetics book, but rather a gentle and bold discussion through tough topics. A key argument of this book is that while many of the secular claims are a response to and rejection of Christianity, without the Christian faith these claims lose the foundation upon which they’re built. She writes, “If there is no God who created us in his image, then human equality is a myth. Human beings have no ‘no natural rights, just as spiders, hyenas, and chimpanzees have no natural rights.'” (Here she quotes atheist scholar Yuval Noah Harari’s Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind).

7. Sabbath by Wayne Muller

This book does a great job explaining the what and the how of Sabbath. While the author and I have different theological convictions, I still found this book to be enlightening. Muller says of the Sabbath, “Sabbath is more than the absence of work; it is not just a day off, when we catch up on television or errands. It is the presence of something that arises when we consecrate a period of time to listen to what is most deeply beautiful, nourishing, or true. It is time consecrated with our attention, our mindfulness, honoring those quiet forces of grace or spirit that sustain and heal us.” All of nature follows a rhythm, morning then evening, high tide then low tide, inhale and exhale. In the same way, our bodies, minds, and souls need time of rest. We need time to unplug and find restoration. Muller wonders, “How did we get so terribly lost in a world saturated with striving and grasping, yet somehow bereft of joy and delight?” The Sabbath is an invitation to stop from striving and delight in the gifts and goodness of God.

He gives some traditional Sabbath practices: “Traditionally, Sabbath is honored by lighting candles, gathering in worship and prayer, blessing children, singing songs, keeping silence, walking, reading scripture, making love, sharing a meal.” This book gave me new ways of thinking about and practicing Sabbath.

6. 12 Rules for Life & Beyond Order by Jordan Peterson

Technically, these are two books but I am counting them as one because they read like two volumes of the same set. I found these books to be both deep and practical. Peterson references a wide range of religious, scientific, and pop-culture material. One thread that runs throughout these books is the relationship between order and chaos. Book one mostly addresses creating order out of chaos. Living in a postmodern world, the foundations of many institutions which societies have been built upon for millennia (family, religious, political, etc.) have been weakened. This leaves individuals untethered from the great virtues that existed in traditional cultures (honor, respect, love, truth). Without these foundations individuals are now caught on the spectrum between moral relativism (a belief that there are no moral absolutes and what was right or wrong at one time and place might be the opposite at another time and place) and ideologies (a way to view a complex world through one simplified lens. For example, seeing everything through race, class, or gender).

We need order and routine to keep our head above water when the world we live in is full of uncertainty. However, once we have established a sense of order, it is then important to introduce some chaos/uncertainty into your life. This is the idea of challenging yourself, taking risks, and pushing your boundaries in order to grow as a person. These books are a great resource for learning how to take responsibility and live a meaningful life.

5. How People Change by Timothy Lane and Paul David Tripp

How People Change explores on a practical level how God changes lives. They explore how people who have been Christians for years, who go to church and read their bibles seem to see so little fruit in their lives. The bible passage that informs their teaching is Jeremiah 17:5-10:

Thus says the LORD: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

Difficult circumstances (Heat) are going to occur in life, and these things are often out of our control. Usually when heat comes our desire is to change our circumstances, but God is interested in transforming us in and through our circumstances. Heat in life reveals to us ways that we are trusting in things apart from God for our joy and identity. When that occurs, God invites us to identify where we are going wrong, turn back to what is true about us and God, and walk in love and power that God provides through his Holy Spirit.

4. You Are What You Love by James K.A. Smith

This book challenges the idea that more knowledge changes lives. Our hearts are made to desire, and what we desire is made evident by our habits. There is often a disconnect between what we know and how we live. He writes, “To be human is to be on a quest. To live is to be embarked on a kind of unconscious journey toward a destination of your dreams . . . You can’t not bet your life on something. You can’t not be headed somewhere. We live leaning forward, bent on arriving at the place we long for.”

This book helped me discern what my vision of the good life actually is (not just what I tell people it is), and gave me categories of how to build my life around the love of God and the things that are most important.

3. Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund

Gently and Lowly was a breath of fresh air for my weary soul. It is in in-depth look at God’s heart for sinners and sufferers. Ortlund cites many of the great preachers throughout church history. Some of the ways he describes God’s love for us feels scandalous, but that is because we humans naturally project our false assumptions onto God. The heart of God is grace and compassion. That is the desire he has at the deepest level. People often only view God as their judge, eager to dole out punishment when we do wrong. It is true that there will come a time for God to judge the sins of the world, but his heart for us is to experience his mercy and grace which is found in Christ. He quotes John Bunyan (author of Pilgrim’s Progress):

But I am a great sinner, say you. “I will in no wise cast out,” says Christ.

But I am an old sinner, say you. “I will in no wise cast out,” says Christ.

But I am a hard-hearted sinner, say you. “I will in no wise cast out,” says Christ.

But I am a backsliding sinner, say you. “I will in no wise cast out,” says Christ.

But I have served Satan all my days, say you. “I will in no wise cast out,” says Christ.

But I have sinned against light, say you. “I will in no wise cast out,” says Christ.

But I have sinned against mercy, say you. “I will in no wise cast out,” says Christ.

But I have no good thing to bring with me, say you. “I will in no wise cast out,” says Christ.

If you are in a place where life is tough and God feels distant, I would highly recommend Gentle and Lowly.

2. The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller

My wife and I read this together as part of the pre-marital counseling process and it was instrumental in shaping our views and expectations going into marriage. Keller defines marriage as, “a lifelong, monogamous relationship between a man and a woman. According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect his saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community for the birth and nurture of children, and to accomplish all this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole-life union.” Our culture seems to have a love/hate relationship with marriage. On the one hand, many people are pessimistic because divorce rates are so high and even if you stay together the idea is that you are stuck in a boring sexless marriage. On the other hand, many also expect getting married to solve their problems. “If I could just meet the right person, then I would be happy and life would be great.” Keller paints a picture that both more glorious then the than Hollywood depicts, but is also honest about the challenges. Ultimately, marriage is a picture to the world of a God who sacrificed everything out of love for his bride and to see her become everything she could be. Our marriages are a small, imperfect picture of God’s love and commitment to his people.

1. The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry argues that one of the greatest challenges to the Church is hurry. Hurry comes when we have more things to do for the time we have. We tend to pack our schedules with so much activity that we don’t leave space to hear from God or give time to things that refresh our souls. One quote that I liked was that Jesus doesn’t offer us an easy life, that doesn’t exist. Rather, he offers us an easy yoke. Matthew 11:28-30 in the Message says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” This book offers a guidelines for how to live “freely and lightly.”

Comer argues that modern living sees humans more as machines than as souls. We are told that our worth is found in what we produce and what we consume. Modern culture does not value “being”. Boredom and inactivity are perceived to be the great enemies of our day. Comer states, “To walk with Jesus is to walk with a slow, unhurried pace. Hurry is the death of prayer and only impedes and spoils our work. It never advances it.”

To live the out the fullness and freedom of the life offered to us in Christ, we must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from our lives.

On Saturday November 12, 2011 I made a decision that would end up changing my life. That was the day I dreaded my hair. How did changing my hairstyle change my life? First, let’s consider where I was at in life ten years ago.

Origins

A frequently asked question I get is why did I decide to get dreadlocks? Was it for some spiritual or political statement? The answer is less sexy than you might think. I just wanted to grow my hair out for a whole calendar year. Then I looked into dreadlocks and thought it would be something cool and different to close out the year. In the past I’ve had a mohawk, a mullet, and a shaved head. I liked wearing and doing things that stood out (maybe that is me wrestling through “middle child syndrome?”). So, I figured dreading my hair was the next logical step in my hairstyle evolution.

However, at the time I didn’t consider how long it would take to get dreads. My last hair cut was in November of 2010, right before my senior basketball season. I then grew my hair for a year and decided I would dread my hair the week after my first college football season (I didn’t want to get dreads during the season because I didn’t know what it would be like under the helmet).

So, on a cloudy November Saturday morning, my friend Alex and I went to a lounge at our college, threw some How I Met Your Mother on the TV, and he started separated my hair into different sections (there ended up being about 75 tuffs of hair). The next step was to then backcomb each of the sections. The whole process took about 10 hours. For all of Alex’s hard work, I paid him by buying a pizza that we shared (was that a dirtbag move? Perhaps.). Neither of us had any idea the process would take that long, so Alex and I made an agreement in which I would keep my dreads one year for every hour that he spent (thus the 10 years). Also, I didn’t realize that dreads take about 6 months before they start looking decent. It was practically unthinkable that I would cut them before I had time with them looking good.

Life with Dreadlocks

I wasn’t sure how people would react to my new hairstyle, but here are some of the responses and questions I’ve had over the years:

• I was mistaken for a teammate who is mixed race and also has dreads.
• Some of the chefs and custodial workers who were black would strike up conversations with me more often. And Tony and Hurvey behind the grill at Café Mac would hook me up with larger portions of food.
• I once attended an historically black church with a teammate and some of the congregants asked my friend if I was black/mixed race.
• Numerous people have either asked to buy drugs from me, sell drugs to me, or if I knew where they could go to get high. In Mexico vendors would call out, “Ayy Rasta! You want a pipe??”
• Random people on the street have called out to me saying they like my hair.
• Random people ask if they can touch my hair (which is weird).
• If there is another white person with dreads, people think I look “exactly like them” and that we “could be twins” even if our hairstyle is the only thing we have in common.
• People often say/ask, “You can’t wash them, can you?” That is usually how it is posed, not, “Can you wash them?” And yes, I can wash them, I just don’t do it as often because they absorb a lot of water and getting them dry is a hassle.
• When my beard was bigger I was mistaken for a homeless person.
• Kids in South Africa called me “Coach Rasta.”
• A couple people have accused me of cultural appropriation.
• For the past ten years, my hair has been my primary identifier. People often remember me as “that guy with dreads.”
• When talking trash to a guy from Ripon, he yelled out, “F*** you, hippie!” Which gave me a good laugh.
• My dreads were what caught my wife’s eye the first time she saw me.

What Have My Dreads Meant to Me?

At the time of writing, my hair has been the longest commitment I’ve ever had (with the possible exception being my relationship with God). Having dreads fits into my persona as a “walking contradiction.” I’ve been asked if I prefer to fit in or stand out, and I strongly desire both. I don’t like being the center of attention and at times want to feel like just another member of a team- a background player. At the same time, I don’t want to be overlooked or forgotten, and I often fear that my presence doesn’t matter. Maybe my hair has been a way to make an impression and stick in people’s minds? It’s harder to slip through the cracks when you look different. That has felt both like a blessing and a curse.

A few months ago the thought of cutting my hair produced anxiety in me. I don’t quite know why it felt so overwhelming. I know I am not defined by my hair, and yet my hairstyle has become a part of me. The thought of cutting my hair felt a little bit like losing a good friend. Someone who travelled the world with me. Went through college and grad school with me. Was right beside me as I transitioned from boyhood to manhood. Was with me as I went from singleness to married life. Maybe I’m afraid that cutting my hair will mean a complete detachment from parts of my life that meant so much to me? Without dreads will I turn into a boring stiff? Just another guy? Would being “just another guy” be so bad? Would I feel a need to compensate be getting more tattoos? My friend Al (see above) suggested I get a head tattoo to make up for the lack of dreads. I don’t think I’m bad enough for that . . .

Maybe my hair has been a reflection of how I feel on the inside. If internally I feel like an outsider, why not have an appearance that shows that to be true? I wonder if having short hair will feel like I’m denying who I feel I am? If my hair is a way I present myself, what will I be presenting with short hair? Will I have to depend on my personality alone to be interesting in social settings? Maybe that’s not such a bad thing though. I might surprise myself.

It’s hard to imagine what life would be like if I never got dreadlocks. I honestly don’t know what my life would look like if I didn’t make that decision ten years ago. I’m grateful for the things I’ve learned and the experiences I’ve had with my hair. I’ve learned a lot about myself and a little more about the world because of it. I don’t know what the next ten years will bring, but I trust by God’s grace I will continue to grow even if my hair doesn’t.

Wrangle Squad vibes.

I’ve starting cutting my hair in stages to make it easier emotionally. I’ll probably have normal hair by Summer 2022.

Some of you might be familiar with the “One Word” approach to New Year’s Resolutions. Essentially, rather than having a long list of goals you want to achieve, you focus on a single word and let that influence all of your activities. In the past, my words have been “purpose”, “grow”, and “keep on” (I understand this is technically two words, but it speaks to me more than “persevere”). My word for 2020 is “today”. My goal in this post is to share why I chose this word, some things I have done to stay focused on it, and share how it is going.

Why “Today”

Towards the end of December I found myself in a bit of a funk. I had little motivation, wasn’t working out much, was watching more Netflix than was healthy, was struggling to spend time with God, and overall felt like I was drifting through life. I also have a tendency to get overwhelmed with tasks, and can struggle starting big projects because I can’t get over how hard it is going to be and how much effort it will require. Or things just feel so monotonous and pointless that I question why it even matters. So, I decided to break things down into smaller chunks. I can’t control what will happen a week from now, but I can take small action steps each day to grow. I don’t know if I will have the strength to face tomorrow, but perhaps I will have the strength for what is right in front of me.

This is not a new concept. The Romans had carpe diem- “seize the day”, Ben Franklin had a daily habit of asking himself in the morning “What good shall I do today?” and “What good have I done today?” in the evening. Jesus teaches us to pray for “our daily bread.” And Hebrews 3 states, “But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today” and “Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.” Master Oogway said, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift, and this is why it’s called the “present”.”

How’s it going?

Some things that have been helpful for me is that I have been more intentional about small steps I can take to reach a bigger goals, breaking those down into daily tasks/goals, and focusing on those. For example, I have a goal of doing a “tough mudder” type race this summer. I have laid out different fitness goals to help me take measurable steps, and have been tracking them each week. In 8 weeks, I have lost 12 pounds, increased my push-up max by 18, my pull-ups by 8, and have improved my 5k time by a minute and a half. I still have a long way to go, but seeing small progress over time helps me to persevere.

Another thing that has helped me “seize the day” is doing a different 30-day challenge each month. January the challenge was to do a “Faithfit” workout each day. That led me to more associate workout and worship, and helped me grasp the truth “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body.” My body is not my own, but God’s, to be used for his purpose.

The challenge for February has been to not watch any videos: Youtube, Netflix, Disney+, etc. My hope was that I would have a greater understanding that my time is not my own, but every minute is a gift from God. This month has been challenging in a lot of ways. I anticipated the natural question, “What the heck am I going to do with myself?” But I didn’t anticipate how big of a void I would feel. My eyes were opened to how much I use videos to numb myself and escape from pain that I don’t want to deal with. So, there were times were I found myself crying or so angry that I wanted to break something for no discernible reason. Some nights were devoted to life-giving activities like listening to podcasts, reading books, or doing puzzles. Others were spent looking for anything to entertain me. Since working out wasn’t as big of a focus, I found myself struggling some weeks to hit the gym

I have learned in these two months  that it is more helpful for me to have positive goals (accomplishing something) rather than negative goals (avoiding something). It is harder for me to feel accomplished by not doing something. Another struggle I have is to base my worth on accomplishing goals. By being successful in the 30-day challenges, I can downplay sins or unhelpful beliefs/thought patterns that I struggle with. I can look for my righteousness in doing these tasks, rather than trusting that Jesus purchased my righteousness by dying on the cross. I have to constantly remind myself that self-improvement isn’t the goal, but rather being transformed more and more into the image of Christ.

March I will start my Spanish Duolingo challenge. My hope is to regain some of the Spanish skills that I have lost over the years. I hope to have a greater understanding that God is the God of every people group and language, and to grow in appreciation for other cultures.