As my wife and I dabble in house hunting, I have been intrigued by concept of a mortgage. When someone takes a mortgage out on a house, the buyer puts a certain percentage down on the house, say 10%, then the bank offers a loan for the remaining 90%, which is then paid off over the course of 15-30 years. Essentially, you own 10% of the house while the bank owns 90%. There is a sense in which the house is yours at closing, but there is another sense in which the house belongs to the bank. The house is not fully yours until the mortgage is paid off.

I think this is similar to the Christian life. There is a sense in which we belong fully to God upon turning from our sin and trusting in Jesus alone for our salvation. At that point, we received the Holy Spirit, who is “the down payment of our inheritance, until the redemption of [our bodies], to the praise of his glory” (Ephesians 1:14). However, there is still sin in our lives. There are parts of our mind, body, and soul that don’t yet belong to God. This is a great tension of the Christian life. Like the Israelites, we are in the wilderness, caught between slavery and the promised land. We are a purchased people (this is what it means to be redeemed), yet we have not attained a final redemption.

This is why Saint Paul could say that we have been adopted as God’s children (Rom 8:15) and at the same time we “wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship” (Rom 8:23). We are already adopted, yet there is an adoption to come. Let’s compare salvation to buying a house. When you received the Holy Spirit, let’s image 20% of your being was “purchased” and became aligned with God’s will for your life. That means 80% of your life is still “owned” by sin. The remainder of your life is then making “payments” so that God “owns” progressively more of you. The parts of you that were once “owned” by anger are transformed into patience. The parts that were “owned” by worry are transformed into trust. The parts that were “owned” by apathy are transformed into love and compassion.

Continuing with this analogy, what does it mean for Christians to “make payments?” God is the author and perfecter of our faith. I believe that we cannot add to his salvation or take away from it (there is no repo man coming to taking our salvation). Yet, there are things we do to experience more of God, such as bible study, prayer, fellowship, trust, and obedience (all of which is powered by the Holy Spirit). We read the bible to have our minds renewed with the truth and combat false narratives. We pray to ask God to move in this world and to transform us in the process. We connect with other believers to bear each others burdens, confess our sins, and sharpen one another. As we trust and follow God, we become more like Jesus. We become more like who he created us to be.

We will still struggle in this life. Some days sin will get the better of us. But God promises that there will be a day when Jesus will come back to purchase his people for good. “Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all [die], but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’ ‘Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’” (1 Corinthians 15:51-55). “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4)

If you are in Christ, your future is secure and it is glorious. There will be a day when we will be totally free with God forever. May that inspire us to take steps toward freedom in this life.

I have been reflecting on suffering lately, and what follows are some thoughts on how God might use the hard things in our lives. I won’t address why we suffer, since there could be hundreds of reasons why. Rather, I’ll focus on what God could be doing in us through suffering.

Imagine you had an infection or some other physical ailment that required surgery to remedy. Now imagine that we live in a world in which anesthetics do not exist and you had to feel every incision.

It would feel like the doctor hated you and was trying to torture you. You might wonder, “How long will I have to go through this? When will this be over? Would it be better if I was already dead? Is the ‘cure’ actually worse than the infection?” Meanwhile, the surgeon would be saying, “I know this hurts, but if I don’t remove this sickness you will die. I want you to have a full life. Just hold on a little longer, I promise there is purpose in the pain.”

Sin is the infection that lives in all of us, even if you have been walking with Jesus for many years. Because we are fallen people living a fallen world, the selfish and wicked tendencies will remain in us until the day we die or the day Jesus comes back. God’s desire for us is that we would turn from our sin and be made holy (1 Thessalonians 4:3), but sometimes it is hard to see our own sin- the ways that we are trusting in things other than God for our hope and purpose. It often takes a hard situation to open our eyes to the brokenness in us and our need for God.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that our suffering is God punishing us for our sin. If you have trusted in Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, he has already taken the punishment for your sin. If you are in Christ, the reason for your suffering is never because God is mad at you. However, because Jesus is the Good Physician, he can use difficult or genuinely bad things for your healing. As Joseph said in Genesis 50:20, “You planned evil against me; God planned it for good.” If you are in a season where it feels like God is against you, first spend time to mourn and grieve what was lost. It doesn’t do anybody any good to pretend like things don’t hurt, and it separates us from our own humanity. After giving yourself space to grieve, consider, “If God is still for me (which he is (see Rom 8:38:39)), how might he be using this difficulty to heal and restore me? What might be the new birth that comes from this death?”

Remember, the scalpel is only an instrument of healing in the hands of a capable surgeon.

In November I was in Colorado Springs, and a friend suggested that I hike “The Incline”, which is a flight of stairs that goes all the way up a mountain. When hiking you gain 2000 ft. of altitude in a mile, so really steep. As I made my way up the mountain, lungs and legs burning, it occurred to me that climbing a mountain is a lot like following Jesus.

Before you climb a mountain you first look around at the flatness around you, and realize that the view from the top has to be a lot better. Similarly, when one becomes a Christian they first look around at their lives and see their brokenness, their addictions, and their shortcomings and say, “I want to look more like Jesus.” You look up and see Jesus at the top of the mountain and begin your journey.

The first part of the hike is always the easiest. You are excited, it’s usually not too steep, and you are full of energy. But there comes a point in every hike when the terrain gets tougher, your legs and lungs burn. You look up and realize there is so much left. You think, “There is no way I can keep going.” “Maybe I should just turn around.” “Is it even worth it to keep going?” Have you ever been there in your faith? I have. I get caught in old patterns of sin, or seasons of loneliness, and I wonder “Is following Jesus worth it?” “Maybe I should just give up this Christian thing and go back to my old life.” So, what do you do?

1. Don’t compare yourself to those who are further along than you. As a new believer you shouldn’t expect yourself to be at the same level as someone who has been a Christian for 20 years. The process of becoming more like Jesus literally takes a lifetime, don’t get discouraged.
2. Look back at how far you have come. When it feels like you aren’t making progress, look back at the victories and growth you’ve had. Also, here is a good time to have people who encourage you in your faith and celebrate what God has done in you. John Newton once said, “I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am.”
3. Take heart that Jesus won’t let you fall all the way back to your starting point when you sin. Back in the day, when I sinned I would beat myself up and think that I was back to square one, and all the growth I had was lost. But that’s a lie. In reality, it was more like falling back 5 steps rather than 200.
4. Take it one step at a time. I know that is cliché, but it’s true. Especially in the tough times, sometimes it takes all your energy to put one foot in front of the other. It doesn’t benefit you to look a mile up the road and trip over a stone right in front of you. “Don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matt 6:34).
5. Don’t try to climb alone. “Two are better than one . . . For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). So, seek Christian community. Also, after Jesus sent out his disciples, he said, “Remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). And again, “I will never leave you, or forsake you” (Heb. 13:6). Jesus is always with you. Even when you feel alone, you’re never really alone.
6. Beware the false peaks. You might come to a place in your faith journey where you think you have made it. You are fully mature, and there is nothing else you need to grow in. You’re not there yet. Remember, the goal is to look like Jesus. He is perfect and it is impossible for us to reach perfection on this side of eternity. So, you ask, is the Christian life just like Sisyphus? Constantly pushing the boulder up a mountain only for it to roll to the bottom when we near the top? Always striving towards a goal, and never getting there? No. And here is the difference: in the Christian walk we don’t start over. We keep going and experience new heights, deeper intimacy, and greater maturity. As C.S. Lewis says in the Last Battle, “Come further up, come further in!” Also, unlike Sisyphus, we can rest in Christ. “Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).
7. There are no shortcuts, no helicopter rides, and no escalators when following Christ. There is no easy way to holiness, rather we are all called to pick up our cross daily and follow him. Sometimes the path is easy with a gentle incline. Other times it feels like you are free-climbing a vertical wall just trying to keep your grip. The vertical wall is much more difficult and dangerous, but it will also bring you to the top more quickly. In the same way, God uses hardships, trials, and seasons of suffering to expedite the process of making you more like Jesus.

I conclude with some encouragement. “I am sure of this, the He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). No matter where you are in your walk with Christ—if you are just starting, if you feel like you are slipping backward, if you feel like you are at a point where you can’t keep going, if you are making steady and gradual progress— God will not leave you were you are. He loves you too much, and one day He will bring you to the top of the mountain where you will be perfectly one with Jesus. When we get to the top, we will realize that all of the pain and struggle was worth it.

It’s not the size of our faith that matters, but it is much more important who or what you put your faith in. Let me explain by way of a story.

There are two men who need to get across a great divide, say the Grand Canyon. Each man gets to pick one animal to carry them across. The first man grabs his animal and runs and jumps over the edge. The second man is trembling, inching his way towards the edge. With much fear and hesitation, he finally scoots himself off the edge. Who had the greater faith? Obviously man number one, right? However, there is one important detail I left out: what animal did they choose? Man number one chose a hummingbird while man number two had one of the giant eagles from Lord of the Rings. Although man number one displayed great faith, he put his faith in something that could not bring him to the promised land, so to speak. And although man two had very little faith, he put what faith he did have in a mighty creature who was very capable of completing the task.

There are times in my life when I am like both of these men. Sometimes I put my faith in friends or sports or my education and think my happiness and satisfaction comes from those things. In these moments I am the first man. Great faith, but in the wrong god. Other times I am like man two, doubting God, not trusting his promises, afraid that he won’t provide for me. It’s in these moments when I finally step off the ledge when I realize how big God is and how foolish I am not to trust him. I guess that’s why all you need is faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains, because our God is so great.

I hope this analogy challenges and encourages. If you are like man one, putting your hope and worth in things that aren’t Christ (significant others, sports, good looks, good deeds) repent and come to the only one who can bring true happiness. If you are like man two, take heart and rejoice that our salvation is not determined by the size of our faith, rather it is in Jesus Christ dying for our sins and resurrecting to ensure our debt has been paid. I know most of us wish we had greater faith, and that is a good thing to want. But also know that God is a good God and will use your small faith to do mighty things.

I guess my prayer is the same that the man in Mark 9 told Jesus, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Abba, I believe my sins are forgiven. I know I am your son and you will never leave me; but help me when I think I am too broken for you to want me. I believe you will provide for me financially, but help my unbelief. I believe you have given me the power to change the world through your Holy Spirit, but help me when I feel like I can do nothing when faced with the seemingly insurmountable brokenness in the world. May you increase and me decrease. Amen!

Full disclosure: This post contains relatively explicit references to fecal material.. Sorry, not sorry.

“But God sent his son… to redeem those under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons/daughters. And because you are sons/daughters, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba, Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.” Galatians 4:4-7.

When I was a little kid, somewhere between potty training and being able to handle my business all by myself, there was a period in my life when I didn’t know how to wipe my backside. So, when I was finished going number 2 I would call out from the toilet, “Daaaad, I’m done!” Which was his cue to come in and clean up my butt. Why did my dad do this? Because he loves me and knew that I was at a point in life where if I tried to do it myself there would be literally be poop everywhere. (Thanks, Dad!!) And for me, I called to my dad in confidence. I knew he would come in and help me out. I knew he wasn’t going to yell at me or shame me for not knowing how to wipe myself. This is the confidence I want to have when I cry out to Abba, Father.

I know there are people who are struggling with sin and really feel the shame and guilt that comes with it. You might feel dirty and think, “I need to clean myself up before coming to God.” So you try to wipe yourself, get yourself clean all on your own, not realizing that you are just making a bigger mess. “God proves His own love for us in this way, while we were still sinners Christ dies for us!” Romans 5:8. When we were at our worst, our messiest, covered in the stink of sin, Christ died to forgive us of our sins. Not only that, when we turn to Him in faith we receive an adoption into God’s family. I know my dad loves me, but he is not perfect and his love can never match the love from my heavenly Father. So, if my dad was willing to hear me, come to me, and clean me up when I was covered in poop, how much more will God the Father? He is truly the only one capable of cleaning up our sins. Stop trying to fix yourself by your own strength. You aren’t strong enough. Don’t be afraid of calling out to God in the midst of your messiness. God delights in you and loves when you call to him. Even in your brokenness and messiness. If you are in Christ, you are God’s child. He will not leave you, shame you, or abandon you, even if you feel like there is no way he can still love you.. He does. He proved it when Jesus died for you.

So my prayer is very similar to  what it was as a child. “Dad, Abba, Father. I’m done. I’m done with this mess I’m in. I’m done trying to clean myself. Abba, wash away my guilt and cleanse my from my sin. Create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Thank you,  Jesus for dying for me even though I’m a sinner. And thank you for adopting me into your family. Remind me always that my identity is in you and I am not defined by the mess I might find myself in. Amen!